whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
