We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
