Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
