Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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