Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
