I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's never too late to be topless.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
