When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
