Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
