Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
