Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have tasted many bathrooms
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
