my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You should frame my arrest warrant.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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