i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
time to smoke my breakfast
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
