porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
