did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
