at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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