Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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