At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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