no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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