this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
