i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
