I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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