apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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