I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
