We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
