Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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