i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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