i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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