Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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