I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
barbara walters just said penis...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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