if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
