Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
