Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
