i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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