i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
