i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
