i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
