i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
