please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
barbara walters just said penis...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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