I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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