Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
