she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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