I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
