Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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