hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
