I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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