Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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