you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my being single is dangerous.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
