The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Randomize
