im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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