Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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