this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We don't watch enough power rangers
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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