Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
