Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
