i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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