6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
