you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
