I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
