just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize