Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
