At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Someone came in the potted fern
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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