I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
