I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
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