You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
