i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
