hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Congratulations! We have a period
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
