look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We need to get me chipped asap
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
