A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
