we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Are my feet made of real feet?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
