Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
