I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
