i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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