Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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