god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
