i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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