Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
