I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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