Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
