I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
