U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
