Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
