Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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