he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
