drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
