Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
