i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
