i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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