I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize