O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
