i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
