I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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